7 Techniques to Deal with Anger and Control Your Temper
How to control anger? Think we ask ourselves this question each time after going through it, when it’s actually time to calm down from frustration. Indeed, this issue is a tough one – how to knock the spots off? What are the skills to controlling anger? We all cope with it in diverse ways. Guess it is common to feel remorse, to regret for spoiled relationships, or for losing harmony and good mood. For this reason, today we will identify what is anger and ways to fight it.
What is anger
Anger – is an essential emotion, followed by negative feelings; it is directed against experienced injustice and accompanied by the desire to eliminate it. Basically, it is more an emotional process which is characterized by a short duration and high intensity. In case you still don’t know what rage is, remember the last time losing your temper, and everything will become clear.
The nature of the annoyance is very ancient and dates back to the animals. In the case of emergency, a person should have reacted to it with lightning speed: run or attack. For that, they needed a huge burst of energy and adrenaline. As a result, anger contributed to the survival of the humanity.
Nowadays in the event of physical danger rage plays a same active protective role. But more often we need to use it in other situations – against the psychological threat. While mental hazard there is no such need in the fury, at least, in those physical and emotional processes that accompany it. But anger still appears, and human being still has to cope with it.
Why should you deal with anger?
People, who often get irritated and do not know how to control anger will be unlikely to have bright future. The constant uncontrolled release of hormones leads to diseases of the digestive and circulatory systems. The body wears out faster, the harmonious operation of systems gets disturbed. The deterioration of mood that comes after frustration contributes to the attack on the immunity.
On a psychological level, it is similar to the boomerang. We throw away negative emotions, but they shortly come back to us. We lose tons of energy, and it costs a lot of effort to recover it afterward.
And most importantly, we are losing relationships with loved ones, closest friends, self-respect and carry business losses. You name it.
Wrath is devastating. It is the opposite of joy which fills and enriches.
In general, it is necessary to deal with anger! Here is where the fun begins :). But how?
Central self-management techniques
There are two main ways to control anger:
- Along with its appearance (external strategy);
- On the level of its origin (internal method).
In general, both these methods are preventive and directed at prevention of outbursts of anger at the earliest stage of their occurrence. The earlier the exposure, the easier it is to cope with indignation.
External methods are also effective when anger is in its infancy. It appears with discontent, discomfort, the desire to protect yourself, your values and feelings. At this point, you can politely tell another person what causes these feelings: “I do not like it,” or give hints otherwise. Spouses have many other signals, same with their parents.
If a person cannot express and describe his feelings, such external techniques would not be useful for him. He immediately starts to burn inside and then there is no time for politeness.
The internal technique consists in the understanding of rage’s roots and ability to distract yourself, and calm down when the indignation has arisen. This type of struggle is multileveled.
The most important part of dealing with annoyance is understanding it won’t give anything except for destruction. It provides a short relief, release of negative emotions, but then pulls you into the depths of negativity. And with it, and all that you hold dear. If you understand this, then finding ways to manage anger is much more straightforward.
What to do when the anger has gripped you?
The best cure against anger, when it has rapt you – do nothing. The main thing at this moment is to calm.
Here are three best ways to rage itself out:
- Countdown to ten. Count your inhales and exhales or heart beats. The point of such breathing exercise – to distract yourself from negative thoughts. If thought is busy with something else, rage will leave you shortly.
- Isolate yourself: run to the toilet or other room, lock yourself in the cabinet. Home activities such as laundry or cleaning would be handy. Check your inbox.
- Do some exercise, move your energy in the right way. You can do pushups, beat a punching bag, walk down the street. It is very useful to be aware of what you are doing. It helps to distract from thoughts that caused the anger.
All of it works if you are dead set to overcome anger. If you like to be angry, then you will continue to do so until you realize one day that life is much more pleasant without it.
What contributes to being angry?
You might have noticed that same situation, a taunt from a partner, spilled soup by the kid can have a different effect on you. One time you don’t pay attention and make a joke, but at other occasions, you break out. Why it happens so?
We are in different emotional states throughout the day, week and month. If we feel optimized: getting enough sleep, rest, emotionally charged, then nothing will disturb us. Even a stranger in a crowded subway who tread on your toes, and cursed you for it won’t cut the ground from under you. And if you do not get enough sleep, come tired from work, after the hassle, arranged by the boss and there is no opportunity to relax in the house, then hold on, a passenger! And all the others too!
It is vital to love and care for yourself to prevent the tantrum.
Anger management tips
It is easy to become infected with rage if you are surrounded by people, who always provoke you to anger. It could be spouses, colleagues, children. Little by little, and you’re on the trail of the old war. Gradually, there is a particular habit of cooperation. It’s like a dance. How to learn other dances? There is only one way – to abandon old habits and develop new ones. That is, one partner must ultimately offer new movements in dance.
If you always responded immediately with rebuff, anger, and aggression, do the opposite – keep silence. It acts same with children and against adults. After the first small victory over yourself and the situation, immediately try to describe out loud what you feel: “I am very upset that …”, “Baby, mom does not understand what you want, if you cry…”. Say it looking straight into their eyes. If you can’t say it quietly, try to write.
If negative emotions still eat away at you, but you successfully coped with anger and prevented it from making a devastating impact, you need to talk. Call someone, and look for effective communication. Call your mom, psychologist, to a friend, someone who is not the source of your anger.
If you do not want to load other with problems, confess yourself into the paper or computer. Write in your journal. It can endure all.
When emotions have found their way out, you can tackle the more deeply underlying anger issues.
Eastern philosophy explains the anger with affection. If a person is attached to the purity of thoughts, he will be irritated with the carelessness of others. If one is attached to his own system of values and considers it is right, it would be extremely hard to accept something that does not fit into it. If a person is attached to his ego, he becomes proud.
He knows what is right, and all the wrong ways are annoying and angering. The person may be good, but has to live with this “correctness” on his own, and the paradox is that it hurts him. It is the fact that regularly causes anger and irritation. That is why the easiest way to deal with anger and irritation is to take other people as equals, regardless of how old they are, what are the status and the presence or lack of education.
Adopt the idea that there is no proper system and ways of thinking for all. Everyone – has their own system and their goals in life. The basis of the struggle with your anger is to understand and accept others.
There is always the subject in relationships that cause irritation. Anger will disappear if you will work properly: read on this issue, talk constructively, improve your listening skills, find out how others solve this problem.
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Now you know how to fight your rage. Good luck with practicing your anger management skills!